Usually I kinda dislike working the late shift at work because that means I’ll be alone for hours in the shop.
And that makes me so nervous.
I’m constantly worried that something bad is going to happen. There is nothing in particular I’m worried about, just that something really unpleasant will take place. A real angry customer, or a nasty customer, robbery, violence – I just get that feeling in my guts. Also called anxiety. And it is telling me that the end is nigh, more or less.
And when I’m alone its so much harder to distract my thoughts.
The funny thing is, once I am at work that awful feeling tends to let go a bit. Its the days before I start my late shift that sucks. I imagine all these crazy scenarios and all I want is to call in sick. To back out, give in to fear and low self esteem.
But I can’t, and I refuse, to let anxiety win.
I know that the best way to deal with it is to actually do those things that scares me so. Because my fear is always irrational. I always think the absolute worst and stress myself more than I need.
Like this week I’m working the late shift. And the days has just flown by! And I am so happy that I’m in a real good flow right now. Its not bad working late at all! I feel like I can do anything when things are going like they are now. And I love that feeling, because I rarely feel this way.
This must be how normal people feel, haha.
Its the best feeling in the world. All is good, no stress. I have even managed to not bite my nails to the roots! When your normal state of mind is set to «useless» and «scared» you get very sad and tired. And when every day is like that you’re just exhausted all the time. So these rare moments of believing in one self is like Christmas. I will Save it in my heart and try to think back at it when times are tough. Just to remind myself that I can certainly do this. I am capable!